Opposition in All Things

hello my dear family and friends:) i didnt have much time this week to respond to anyone but, thank you for all of the emails<3 i always look forward to hearing from you all each week and they always make me smile:)

this week has been a tough one. its hard knowing my sister goes home so soon. the language is hard. theconditions are hard. not being able to express myself is hard. being without my family is hard. being with someone 24/7 (no matter how much i love her) is hard. the different food is hard. it is physically, emotionally, mentally hard. the anxiety is hard. yesterday i packed up all of my stuff, left everything that ive known since ive been here- my ward, my home, the neighborhood, all of rivera and made my way up to montevideo. My president and his wife live in montevideo and for the next few weeks while im trying some different medications for the anxiety, they want to keep a closer eye on me so im going to be working up here for a little while:) 

im nervous, im sad, im scared. but before great moments, certainly before great spiritual moments, there can come adversity, opposition, and darkness. life has some of those moments for us, and occasionally they come just as we are approaching an important decision or a significant step in our lives. ive gotten to the point now, that my anxiety is so bad that now, the missionary department is reccomending to go home. but i signed up for this battle. and i refuse to go home without knowing that i absolutely gave it my all. this battle is of such an eternal significance and everlasting consequence. i knew, and know it will be and is a fight. a good fight, but a fight nevertheless.

the past 3 months here have been a fight. but im ready to look ahead. at this particular time in my life im trying to "remember lots wife"

-the story of when the lord told lot and his family to flee because their city was about to be destroyed. the lord said "look not behind thee. escape to the mountain, lest thou be consumed" with less than immediate obedience and more than a little negotiation, lot and his family ended up leaving town but just in time before the lord destroyed the city. but even with the lords counsel "look not behind thee" lots wife, looked back. and she was turned into a pillar of salt. she looked back longingly. her attachment to the past outweighed her confidence in the future. while being here its hard not for me to look back to my days at home when the anxiety wasnt a problem. and also hard for me not to look back on the past 3 months and feel like a complete failure because of the anxiety. but from this day forward, i am not going to dwell on the days now gone or yearn for yesterdays. however good or bad those yesterdays may have been. the past is to be learned from but not lived it. "we look back to claim the embers from glowing experiences but not the ashes." 

faith is always pointed toward the future. faith always has to do with the blessings and truths and events that have yet to be effectious in our lives. in other words, lots wife did not have faith. she doubted the lords ability to give her something better than she already had. she thought that nothing that lay ahead could possibly be as good as what she was leaving behind.

"i have stopped rhapsodizing about the good old days and now eagerly look toward the future that i may apprehend that ofr which christ apprehended me"

"this one thing i do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before"

I have come to realize that continually remembering my weaknesses and personal problems is not right. it is not right ot go back and open some ancient wound that the son of god himself died to heal. dismiss the distructive, and keep dismissing it until the beauty of the atonement of christ has revealed to you your bright future and the bright future of your family, your friends, and your neighbors. god doesnt care nearly as much about where you have been as he does where you are, and with his help, where you are willing to go. 

i am in montevideo now, with my anxieties, with my weaknesses but without my past. without fear. "be of good cheer, your future is as bright as your faith"

i love you all and thank you for your prayers always<3

xoxo hermana mcewan<2

me & wes (everytime i see him i take his earring out of his ear and put it in mine) (i have like 10 earrings from him now) (also have an ear infecction thanks wes)

anakarinas family<3, sweet woman we met with anxiety and depression

got to see bishop and his wife in the montevideo terminal when we arrived because they were on vacation here:) #blessing

Faith is a Gift - Pray for It

just a quick little update for this week:)

i had the opportunity to go to montevideo and spend a little time there with president, his wife, and family this week.

we were able to attend the temple, go on divisions with hermana ledesma´s trainor (littledike) and her companion, visit the beach (pics coming next week;)) have a nice birthday breakfast for presidents son kirk, hermana littledike, and just enjoy our time in the city. all i gotta say is president gets me!!

my message for the week is simply this. while having a little talk with hermana littledike (hermana ledesma´s trainor) my mind was completely changed on something she said. i pray every single night to have more faith in different things. but we can have all of the faith possible and still not recieve the thing that we "think" we need. we must place our faith in the RIGHT thing. how do we know which is the right thing? well, we dont. but who is the person who knows us better than we know ourselves and has a plan for us? our heavenly father. we need to have faith not that what we want to happen, is going to happen, but have faith in our heavenly fathers plan for us. remember to 

place your faith in heavenly fathers plan for you!

i challenge you all to read ether 12. i know its a pretty common chapter, but study it dilligently. and ask yourself the question" what are you willing to do for your faith?" (actions)

ether 12:30 "for the brother of jared said unto the mountain zerin, remove, and it was removed. and if he had not had faith it would not have moved; wherefore thou art workest after men have faith."

we all have mountains that we need moved and are trying to overcome. so grab a shovel and lets start digging!!

-hermana mcewan:)❤💝💞💟

We lock our door by putting a chair up against it:))) #notscared

honestly the beginning of emails stress me out cuz i feel like i have to do some sort of introduction or be like hey family whats up ya know but honestly like im just gonna drop you guys a few paragraphs each week and call it good hope thats ok;)

this week was a pretty tranquillloooo week:) 11 new investigators and OH MY YAY ANAKARINA THE MENOS ACTIVO CAME TO CHURCH WITH HER 2 DAUGHTERS!! last week in relief society the president asked the women to read a talk and come prepared to talk about it next week and THE ONLY PERSON THAT DID THAT WAS ANAKARINA IM OBSESSED WITH HER!!! she has the most adorable 4 kids and her husband is a sweeeetie so we are hoping to convert all of her cute family back:) i love it!! she knows its true!!

our fav facundo is traveling to montevideo for a month we are HEARTBROKEN!! so hopefully he reads his scriptures and pamphlets cuz we all know thats what a teenage boy would do while on vacation;)))))) #faith

familia cuellos returned this week from their WAY TOO LONG VACATION!! they took a picture of our names in the sand and showed it to us haha legit we are their daughters and they are our parents here!

how beautiful was the funeral of president monson. here are a few of my notes:) things to be, do, and work on. today is the day my friends!

- "well done my good and faithful servant" (faithful)

- continue in the prophet and lords path of loving and serving.

- "i feel i have done some good in the world today"  

- "i know that girl, she did her best."

- everyone considered president monson a friend before they met him.

- "cheerfully go on"

- everywhere he went, he went about doing good and people felt the love of god through him.

- caring for others happened often in the ministry of president thomas s monson. whenever he showed up to offer a service the people would say "i knew you would come." 

-"the lord will be with you in your faithful service of him"

-"he felt no fear because he knew the lord went before him"

- "there will never be another like him"

- "we are all better because of him"

- "never let a problem to be solved, become more important than a person to be loved"

- "not sought his own life, but my will, without unweariness" 

i love the word unweariness in that. its easy to become a little bit weary at times. but this life isnt easy because the atonement wasnt easy. but this life is joyful because the gift of the atonement can bring us joy<3

-hna melia patricia mcewan

p.s. i wish i could read the bom, the bible, the living christ all right now but, no time!!! what was i doing before my mission??? who watches netflix when you can watch byu vocal point videos and mormon messages?! who reads random books about love when you can read the MOST IMPORTANT AND TRUE BOOKS EVER?!

Haircuts and Eyebrow Scissors

ust wanted to drop you guys a quick line

- new year same lice-

but anywayssss

buen dia buen dia!!!!!

first off AH first baptism this week with my all time best friend emanuel! it was amazing and everything i could ever dream of😍 my companion and i were able to sing the spirit of god and we thank thee oh god for a prophet in honor of our sweet president monson. ill send a video next week<3

yes, the rumors are true i cut my companions hair with eyebrow scissors but before you think what were we thinking, just go look at the pics of her she looks DANKER THAN EVER

everyone here tells us we are angels and my bishop is convinced i am shakira???? yeah idk

i have to say, missions are physically, emotionally, and mentally draining in all aspects. but oh how rewarding they are:) before i came on my mission, making the decision to come was the easiest decision i have ever made. but once i was here, actually doing it and going through the trials that i was always told about, i couldnt help but think "im a girl, i dont have to be here, im choosing to be here." if im being completely honest with you all, it wasnt until this week that that thought completely left my mind. there is ABSOLUTELY nothing more i want to do with my life right now, than to become closer and more like my savior jesus christ. life at home is just as hard as life here. different and rewarding in different ways, yes. but i have finally realized that, there is no better place to be, to become closer, better, grow, and learn than on a mission. 

it all started with reading some talks about the priesthood this week. and realizing how big of an influence women actually have on priesthood holders. (just wondering why i didnt realize how major it is until now???? thank goodness im here.) i learned of my imprtance and calling as a woman of the church and i can honestly say that i have found the answers i have been searching for since day one of my mission. i´d love to share some of the things i read, that had such a great impact on me:)

i can say that i think about my future family at least 1000 times a day, pray for my future husband and kids at least 2000 times a day. thats a big reason as to why i am here!! the talk i read that changed my whole perspective of my mission. the main idea is just about how  men who have integrity of heart are men to be trusted, because trust is built on integrity. i love when the scriptures use the phrase "integrity of heart" when it describes a persons character. men who have the "integrity of heart" are men to be trusted because trust is built on integrity. being a man of integrity simply means your intentions, as well as your actions, are pure and righteous in all aspects of your life, both in public, and in private. with each decision we make we either gain gods trust or lose it. and this principle shows the divinely appointed responsibilities as husbands and fathers. husbands and fathers have the responsibility from modern day prophets, seers, and revelators in the family, a proclamation to the world- fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness, - fathers are responsible to provide the necessities of life, and fathers are responsible to protect their families. 

 as i was reading this i was like dangggg men have so many responsibilities, how can i possibly help them and what can i do to marry a man with these qualities?! how can i play my part and what should i do? this first thing is to be righteous. being righteous doesnt mean being perfect or never making mistakes. it means developing an inner connection with god, repenting of our sins and mistakes and freely helping others. we arent perfect, but we know how to repent and keep trying! the second is to be articulate. clearly expressing how we feel about something and why. each of us needs to be better at articulating the reasons for our faith. how do you feel about jesus christ? why do you stay in the church? why do you believe the book of mormon is scripture? where do you get your peace? "be not afraid but sanctify the lord god in your hearts, and be ready to always give an answer to every man that asketh you a reason of the hope that is in you" the third is to be different. innovation and creation are spiritual gifts! when we keep our covenants it may make us different from others but it gives us access to inspiration so we can think of different solutions, different approaches, different applications. we arent always going to fit in the world, but being different in a positive way can be a life line to others who are struggling. we need to practice living the gospel before emergencies so that, unafraid, we will be strong enough to help when others are being "swept by the current" and lastly, the fifth is to do one through four in happy ways!! keeping the laws of god, and lifting and building others. when we build, when we lift the burdens of others, it blesses our lives in ways our trials cannot take away. "you dont build out of pessimism or cynicism. you look with optimism, work with faith, and things happen" there is an energy that comes from happiness and optomism that doesnt just bless us, it builds everyone around us. any small thing we do to light real happiness in others.

after reading these 2 talks together i asked myself these questions. - will you be righteous? will you articulate your faith? can you bear being distinct and different? will your happiness in spite of your trials draw others who are good and noble and who need your friendship? will you turn on your light?

i know, that personally, if i want my answer to be yes to all these things i need to stay right where i am in uruguay, continuing to serve my jesus christ, being full of faith, from a full time mission<3

xoxo hna mcewan❤