Broken Hallelujah

These past four months have been beauty and they have been ashes.

You know every story of every tear. You’ve seen my joy, and you’ve seen my pain. 

But I woke up one day, in a bad way. “the walls gave way, all of the debris and all of the dust, what is left of once was, sorting through what goes and what should stay. Every stone I layed for you because you asked me to.” But what happens now? Because all I’ve made feels torn down. I haven’t felt strong enough to stand.

But the next day, I reached out my hand because I knew there was a reason to believe I’d be ok. I was certain, that he called me, and I heard him. The clouds disappeared, it was all crystal clear. Despite my anxiety, someone loved me. I am still a promise, a heartbeat of god, at times I forget but I know he has not. This is the unmaking. The beauty and the breaking. I had to lose myself, to find out who I am. Only when we are broken we can be made whole. Before each beginning there must be an ending.

I am home now, and I’m taking this time to get well, because I know if I don’t take time now, later on I would still be ill. “In these things be wise, do not run faster than you have strength” (Mosiah 4:27) 

I chose and choose to live in a fallen world where we will be tested and tried again and again. If the bitter cup doesn’t pass, drink it and be strong, trusting in happier days ahead. 

I want to testify that we are infinitely more than our limitations and our afflictions. Even when the dark comes crashing through and we feel like a broken vessel, we must remember that our vessel is in the hands of the divine potter.

all of my love,

hermana mcewan<3